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Duchess of Wails/Transcript
Act 1 'Scene 1: Duchess' Bedroom' episode cuts to the outside of Foster's and an alarm clock is heard ringing inside of Duchess' room. DUCHESS: Frankie. Frankie! FRANKIE! FRANKIE: in the bedroom and rubs up to Duchess' bed WHAT?! DUCHESS: My alarm clock. alarm clock is still ringing FRANKIE: You know, Duchess, you could turn it off yourself. You're right there. DUCHESS: And touch plastic? Please. I'm royalty. gets annoyed, turns off Duchess' alarm clock and tries to walk off Are we forgetting something? gets even more annoyed ''My eyes, they're not going to open themselves. '''FRANKIE': They will if you just-- DUCHESS: OPEN THEM! does so as she opens Duchess' eyes Ah! at Frankie's face Why are you making that hideous face? FRANKIE: an eyebrow ''What face? '''DUCHESS': Oh, I forgot. You always look like that. FRANKIE: groans ''Duchess, we go through the same routine every day. We wait on you hand and foot and all you do is insult us! '''DUCHESS': Why, I am deeply hurt that you would even suggest such a thing. That is simply not true. Now, are you going to call Senior Smells-a-Lot to carry me to the bathroom, or do I have to do it myself? FRANKIE: sighs Eduardo! slides in slowly and Frankie looks at Duchess. 'Scene 2: Bathroom' Eduardo carries Duchess all the way to the bathroom inside. Wilt is gargling with mouthwash in his mouth, he finishes up by spitting in a cup, and starts putting the mouthwash in Duchess' mouth. She closes her mouth to wash it inside, but then she felt something and spat it all on Eduardo's face. DUCHESS: Wilt You call this pre-gargled? It's barely foamy. Eduardo Oh, to clarify, I was spitting in anger, not spitting out the mouthwash like normal. raises an eyebrow on his head. 'Scene 3: Duchess' Bedroom' was making Duchess' bed and Madame Foster was sewing one of Duchess' everyday dresses while her hair was frazzled. After that, a fed up Edwardo brings Duchess back in her bedroom. DUCHESS: Dress me. MADAME FOSTER: Well, I'm not done sowing your new outfit, dearie. If you need a new one every day, then I could-- DUCHESS: Madame Foster's sentence DRESS ME! does so right away Good gracious! Is this polyester?! MADAME FOSTER: Actually, it's 100% Egyptian cotton. DUCHESS: SILK! SILK! I'd rather go naked! MADAME FOSTER: No, no, no, please, not again! Anything but that! covers his eyes as Duchess walks by angrily without clothes. Eduardo, still with his eyes closed, sticks out his tongue in disgust. Madame Foster starts making Duchess's dress, but this time out of silk 'Scene 4: Dining Room' the dining room, four imaginary friends are eating cereal at the long table while Coco is standing and Duchess is sitting in the back of the table. Coco feeds Duchess some cereal with a spoon on her toes and puts some in her mouth. Duchess chews and then feels something she ate. She takes out what she was eating and pulls out a magnifying glass to look at it. DUCHESS: ''Coco Hey, these flakes aren't frosted individually. '''COCO': Coco, co co co. DUCHESS: ''in front of Coco's face WELL, IF I WANTED COCOA FLAKES, I WOULD'VE TOLD YOU I WANTED COCOA FLAKES! ''back as Coco ducks down from the bowl Duchess threw offscreen and the bowl crashes into the wall onscreen. 'Scene 5: Foster's Foyer' and Bloo are standing in the foyer with blank stares. The camera zooms out to show that they're looking at Duchess going around giving people orders and orders everywhere. DUCHESS: Frankie, prep the morning liposuction. Frankie ''Masseusey, I'm ready for my daily toe rub. ''in front of Mac and Bloo while going upstairs ''Out of my way, Blinky and Clyde! Pedicurio, reschedule my toenail polish for naptime! Botoxy, prepare yeself! ''Bloo and Mac make O-shaped faces while staring at what Duchess just did. Just as Mr. Herriman hops out, the two turn to him. MAC: Mr. H, why does everyone put up with Duchess? BLOO: Yeah, every morning, it's the same routine, and I'm sick of it. MAC: She's mean to everyone. BLOO: If I were in charge here, I'd kick her botox to the curb. So what's the dealio? his arms the same way Mac does MR. HERRIMAN: Ah, it's a fine question you pose. 'Scene 6: Various Places' to a highway with cars when there is a billboard with Duchess' face on it and the slogan says "Foster's Home for Inaginary Friends" "Pedigree Friends Available!". The next part shows a man opening a a magazine which shows Duchess' full body and words on the left that say "Free Purebred Friend". Finally, the camera cuts to a stadium on the screen with Duchess' head with the following words "We'll pay you to take her!" 'Scene 7: Foster's Foyer' doorbell rings just in time for Mr. Herriman to answer. MR. HERRIMAN: Ah! Hopefully, that will be some families to see her now. Scene 8 to be added UGLY DAD: Now if we adopt you, will you promise to be good? DUCHESS: Now if I let you adopt me, will you promise to be less ugly? ugly family's jaws gape open in shock. AEROBIC DAD: 'Once we adopt you, we're going to get you in shape! '''AEROBIC DAUGHTER: '''Feel the burn! Visualize success! '''DUCHESS: '''Yeah, I visualizing you leaving! ''aerobic family is shocked '''Scene 9: Mac's Apartment the party at Foster's, Mac comes home with a balloon, confetti on his hair, and party horn in his mouth. Before he opens the front door... DUCHESS: inside on the other apartment ''Let me out! I don't want to live here! ''faces the other side and it appears that Duchess is trying to get out, but Mr. Applebee grabs her back inside. MR. APPLEBEE: off-screen ''Ha, ha! Get back in here, you nut! ''and closes the door just shrugs and tries to open his door until... MAC: and becomes terrified ''Duchess living next door? ''go of his balloon and screams loudly ''NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! '''DUCHESS': inside ''Quiet out there! '''MAC': softly Noooooooooo. body shakes and teeth chatters in fear Act 2 'Scene 10: Mac's Apartment / Mac’s Bedroom' was a banging inside the apartment in the middle of the night with Duchess living next door. In Mac’s room, Mac is on his desk wearing headphones and doing some homework, while trying not to hear Duchess. DUCHESS: I can’t go to sleep on this pillow. It’s stuffed with lowly duck feathers. I demand my feather pillows be plucked from the finest geese in France! MRS. APPLEBEE: Oh ho ho, Duchess, you’re a silly. Ha ha ha! gets frustrated with the neighbors next door, so he rustles the volume on his headphones to hear music and he closes his eyes. DUCHESS: What-- what is that incessant music? How am I expected to sleep when I can hear very, faint music?! gets more frustrated and starts banging his head on the desk And now, there’s an incessant banging, and it’s out of rhythm with the incessant music. it’s 2:45 A.M. and Duchess keeps yelling in the middle of the night. As Mac can’t get any more sleep due to Duchess’ screaming, he has an angry face and bloodshot eyes. And where is my humidifier? And my dehumidifier?! If you don’t have control over air precipitation, my skin will be all wrinkly when I wake up!!! puts the pillow on his face and the banging from the other side of the apartment starts banging when Mac’s picture of Bloo falls on the floor I... WANT... TO... GO... HOME!!! 'Scene 11: The Applebee’s Apartment' after the crashing noise was over, the night turns into day. Duchesses wakes up with her eyes closed again. DUCHESS: Someone carry me to the bathtub. MR. APPLEBEE: the bedroom door Oh, Duchess, you’re a riot. We don’t have a bathtub; we have a shower. looks surprised to hear that. 'Scene 12: Mac's Apartment / Kitchen' now in the kitchen at Mac’s apartment, Terrence, Mac, and their mom get very angry by Duchess screaming in the shower next door. Terrence is putting his hand on his cheek, his and Mac’s mother is looking in the refrigerator, and Mac walks in the kitchen. They look around in a short silence. Some pop tarts come out of the toaster, Mac walks to his mother with a cereal box, and their mom is holding a coffee mug with coffee. MAC'S MOTHER: relieved Ah, thank goodness. more screaming from Duchess in the next door, the family flinches as Mac’s mother slams her coffee mug on the counter really angry All right! I’ve had enough of these obnoxious neighbors! If this doesn’t stop, we are MOVING! to her bedroom in a huff and slams the door MAC: shocked Moving? She means, like, down the street or something, right? looks at Terrence and chuckles in a nervous way TERRENCE: at him menacingly, smiles evilly and talks sympathetically Oh, no. Mom and I were talking about it while you were sleeping in. She said we’re moving to... for a second and smiles Zingapore. MAC: You mean Singapore? TERRENCE: Yeah, that’s right. All the way in Wisconsin. MAC: down and realizes Wait! Singapore’s in Malaysia. TERRENCE: realizes Oh, that’s even better. All the way in Malaysia. out the pop tarts and eats them both MAC: But we can’t. If we move to Singapore, I can’t go to Foster’s anymore, and then Bloo will get adopted, and then I’ll never see him again. TERRENCE: again Oohoo, that’s even more better. Better say goodbye to your dorky little buddy, runt! We’re moving to Wisconsin. MAC: him Malaysia. TERRENCE: it right Malaysia. back on his seat and Mac finally sees what’s happening and he is doomed. 'Scene 13: Foster's Parlor' BLOO: Wait a second, let me get this straight. So you're telling me that Singapore is not in Wisconsin? MAC: No. And you're missing the point. This is terrible. If I move to Singapore, we'll never be able to see each other again! BLOO: panicked Oh, my gosh! MAC: And you'll be out up for adoption! BLOO: panicked Oh, my gosh! MAC: And you'll be adopted by some other kid! BLOO: panicked Oh, my go- (Stops being panicked) Wait, what kid? 'Cause if it's that cute blonde girl down the street, that might not be so bad. MAC: Bloo. BLOO: Sorry, sorry, you're right. MAC: If only there was a way to get the Applebees to unadopt Duchess. If she was back at Foster's, my mom wouldn't want to move. BLOO: That's it. We need to get your neighbors to see how evil duchess is. MAC: But no matter what she does, they don't mind. It's like they're immune. BLOO: Well, we'll just have to make them mine by nag means necessary. Act 3 'Scene 15: Mac's Apartment / Mac's Bedroom' is playing a video game, when he notices Mac and Bloo carrying Duchess TERRENCE: What are you doofuses doing? MAC: Can't talk. Don't want to move away from Bloo, so we gotta bring Duchess back to Foster's. blows a raspberry. Terrence is shocked at this, then turns angry TERRENCE: Not if I get there first. FRANKIE: What are you doing here? TERRENCE: I know you think I'm a jerk, I know you hate me and normally you should never listen to a word I say. But heat my words, this is really, really important! Trust me... (Interior. Office. Day.) TERRENCE: It's an attack spent out for a soul propose to get Duchess back into Foster's. MR. HERRIMAN: How many? TERRENCE: The two of them and her. MR. HERRIMAN: How long? TERRENCE: They be here by nightfall. FRANKIE: You mean 45 minutes? TERRENCE: Yeah... MR. HERRIMAN: If they get Duchess through THAT door... (faces to the door) ...we're doomed. MADAME FOSTER: Mr. Herriman with her cane What are you fretting about? What have they got? A boy, a blob and a banshee. And us? We got a house jammed packed with imaginary juice! There's no way they are getting through that front door. MR. HERRIMAN: But how, Madam? How? MADAME FOSTER: Do not get your cotton tail in a bunch. I've lived in this house long enough to know how to protect it. To the refrigerator! DUCHESS: What on earth are we doing here? I HATE this dump. MAC: Well, you can't stay in the apartment. DUCHESS: I do not want to stay in that disgusting dump of an apartment, but I also do not want to go back to Foster's! Take me to France! BLOO: Man, she's even a pain to save. MADAME FOSTER: Yes, my imaginary friends, these three will be devoured by Foster's like bagels with lox! I say we shall outlast them all! We shall make this night one worthy of remembrance. the friends cheer All right, my imaginary friends, TO WAR!!! ALL IMAGINARY FRIENDS: (following Madame Foster) TO WAR!!! MAC: How did they know we were coming? BLOO: (making an reference to the Eye of Sauron in The Lord of the Rings) The mighty eye of Foster's sees all. DUCHESS: (as she starts to melt) Am I to assume you did not bring an umbrella? MADAME FOSTER: Give 'em no mercy. Because if Duchess returns, you ain't getting any from her. (Hothouse tomatoes and Wilma tomatoes attack Mac, Bloo and Duchess.) DUCHESS: Put me down. You are jiggling me too much. MADAME FOSTER: Show them a reference to Bugs Bunny's iconic phrase "What's up, Doc?" and his tendency to eat carrots! (All imaginary friends use carrots to attack Mac and Bloo) (Mac and Bloo drop Duchess in mud.) DUCHESS: Mud! You've dropped my in mud! You two will pay for this! MAC: (looks at the ladder) I have an idea. (Mac and Bloo throw the ladder with Duchess on it up.) DUCHESS: I am not barned to be raised. Get me down this instant. (Preparation Ape pushes Duchess) I did not mean like that-- Oy! (Making a reference to Cruella De Vil to Jasper and Horace in One Hundred and One Dalmatians) This is not working, you imbeciles. MADAME FOSTER: Is this all you can stir up, Duchess? (Wally braces the doors) (Granny Smith apples and Red Delicious apples attack Mac and Bloo) MADAME FOSTER: Nobody will breach Foster's wall. MR. HERRIMAN: Madame! The doors are about to be breached! MADAME FOSTER: Wilt! Stop them! MAC: Goodbye, Bloo. hugs Bloo BLOO: sad, hugs Mac back Bye, pal. foster's residents look sad MAC: If it's not too much trouble, Frankie, can you forward my postcards to Bloo's new home after he gets adopted? FRANKIE: What? Where you goin'? MAC: Oh, you know, Singapore. ALL: Singapore?! MAC: Yeah, my mom can't stand Duchess living next door to us anymore so we're moving to Singapore. Didn't Terrence tell you? walking off, pauses when he overhears this. He exchanges glances and sees that everyone is angry at him TERRENCE: Uh... um... as they say in Wisconsin... Sayonara! away WILT: Oh, Mac... we're so sorry. We didn't know. FRANKIE: We can't let you move away. EDUARDO: We no allow it. MADAME FOSTER: And if that means taking Duchess back, then OK. We will. MAC AND BLOO: again Really? MR. HERRIMAN: Under one condition. MAC AND BLOO: Fine, anything. DUCHESS: Alarm clock. Eyelids. Carry me to the... MAC: We're on it! We're on it! and Bloo are straining, while carrying Duchess MAC: Singapore's not that far away. BLOO: Yeah, and I hear that they got great cheese in Wisconsin. sighs, and Duchess whacks Bloo with a brush Post-Credits Scene Applebees are playing cards on the dinner table. APPLEBEE DAUGHTER: Dad, do you have any eights? Mom, do you have any fours? MR. APPLEBEE: D'oh! his card down on the table APPLEBEE DAUGHTER: Mom, do you have any fours? MRS. APPLEBEE: Go Fish! APPLEBEE DAUGHTER: Shoot! Silence MRS. APPLEBEE: to somebody else Do you have any twos? silence Duchess? turns out to be a broomstick for a head, a sock for a nose, and a robe that the family made that to look like Duchess. It falls down on the floor. MR. APPLEBEE: off-screen Oh, Duchess, you're so funny. Category:Episode transcripts